Spiral of nightmare

I was the person who almost never has thought. I lived how I felt to be the best, and this results in the range of small problems. I said before I thought. I lived in my own concrete world and of course inside my own head.

The first time in a long time last autumn someone put me to think properly. This happen shaked my own world. My head wants to die. I began to think new things for me, and as a result, in the end my thoughts began to drift to the cross. I was almost losing my mind.

This was the beginning the spiral of nightmare. And funny thing is it that these nightmares aren't real nightmares. I love and hate these nightmares same time, because they are pictures for my own big dreams. Dreams who can't be realized unless there happen a miracle.

One of my the most terrible nightmare is that where my one of biggest dreams come to real, and then I wake up, and everything was just a dream. I can see very many dreams nearly every night, but these are one of the most terrible of them. These nightmares give me a new hope which has already lost many times. And every time I remember that why it was lost. I wake up again and again. I think: I don’t like this and I hack my head on the wall. This isn't going to work anyway.

After all, leaving only emptiness, feel is completely empty. At times, there remains a wonderful spark that goes off quickly though. I start to reminisce about the past and stay again and again hold on to yesterday.

I like the profound things and philosophical things, but now my feel is it that I don't want think, but problem is it than I can't stop it. I don't know what I'm doing now.

I wake up at midnight, and then I laugh or cry, because my thoughts are so confused. That why love isn't worth. It gets messed up head. Nightmares are terrible.

Self-evaluation:

+ ok

- grammar

- short

- nightmares

- strange